


You Stopped My World

by Timid_Timbuktu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Dual POV, Love, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Fluff, My attempt at a realistic storyline, Non AU, Romance, Sexual Content, friendships, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 00:39:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10293497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timid_Timbuktu/pseuds/Timid_Timbuktu
Summary: Chanyeol understands and accepts Kyungsoo’s new “no skinship” rule, until he realizes that the rule only applies to him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story over a year ago and only recently came back to polish it up. Given that it was written so long ago, the story takes place in 2015, when Kyungsoo was expanding into film acting. It’s also partly inspired by Chanyeol’s comments about Kyungsoo on “Choi Hwa Jung’s Power Time” radio show back in June 2015 when he said that they’d drifted apart.

Kyungsoo was usually quiet, which was why Chanyeol hadn’t noticed that he was being exceptionally quiet until it was too late.

They were supposed to meet Sehun at a noodle restaurant, but the younger man had canceled at the last minute. Chanyeol hadn’t minded. Due their busy schedules, he hadn’t seen Kyungsoo in weeks. He had so much to tell him. He hadn’t even noticed that he’d been dominating the conversation until dinner was almost over.

It was during an unexpected lull, Chanyeol losing himself in his dessert, that he finally noticed how awkward Kyungsoo was acting. He was fidgeting. Not meeting Chanyeol’s eyes. Had he been like this for their entire dinner? Kyungsoo had certainly laughed less than normal, but Chanyeol had simply taken that as a challenge to be even more entertaining.

But maybe there was something else going on with his friend.

“Kyungsoo-yah?” Chanyeol asked. There must have been a tone in his voice because Kyungsoo jerked and regarded him with wide eyes.

“Chanyeol,” he responded guardedly after a few moments. So, it was going to be one of those conversations, in which Chanyeol had to coax the words from Kyungsoo. That was fine. He had years of practice with _those_ conversations.

“Is there something you want to talk about?”

Kyungsoo pursed his lips and shrugged, but he didn’t say _no._

“What is it?” Chanyeol persisted.

“It’s nothing,” Kyungsoo murmured, twirling his straw in his water glass.

“Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol’s voice became firm. They’d carried on so many conversations in this style that it was like reading a script. Chanyeol asked. Kyungsoo hedged. Chanyeol became firm. Kyungsoo resisted. Chanyeol softened his tone and finally Kyungsoo divulged his big secret.

“It’s nothing. Forget it.” Kyungsoo resisted. Chanyeol stifled a smile at how Kyungsoo was following the script perfectly without even realizing it.

“No matter what it is, you can tell me. I’ve never judged you for anything. I never will.”

“But I’ve never said this before,” Kyungsoo replied looking at Chanyeol with true fear. And just like that, he was off script. Why was he off script?

How bad could Kyungsoo’s secret be? Unfortunately, Chanyeol had some experience with how bad it could be. Sometimes these conversations ended with a member leaving Exo. But Kyungsoo would never leave. Would he?

Kyungsoo sighed and resolve replaced the fear in his eyes. Chanyeol braced himself.

“Can you stop paying so much attention to me in interviews and on stage?” The words came out in one breath, so quickly Chanyeol had to replay them in his head.

“What do you mean?”

Kyungsoo stabbed his chopsticks into his _yumilgwa_ and refused to meet Chanyeol’s eyes. “You know how you always … play around with me. Can you stop?”

“Stop teasing you? I thought you liked it.”

“Not just the teasing. Like when reporters ask which member you’d date if he were a girl, can you not say me?”

“Those questions are ridiculous,” Chanyeol replied. “So I respond with ridiculous answers. I don’t mean it. If you were a girl, I would—”

“I’m _not_ a girl.” 

Chanyeol couldn’t remember the last time Kyungsoo had interrupted him. Despite his onstage antics, he had impeccable manners. That was why Chanyeol’s mother adored him.

“What are you even talking about, Soo? I know you aren’t a girl. Is that why you’re mad? You think I see you as more feminine than the other members? Because I don’t. You’re not.”

This entire conversation was rapidly galloping into the absurd. Kyungsoo was so off script, he’d burned the script. Chanyeol was lost. 

“It’s not that.” Kyungsoo stared helplessly at the table and appeared to be shutting down. Retreating from the conversation. But Chanyeol wouldn’t allow it. 

He reached across the table and grasped Kyungsoo’s hand, shocked when Kyungsoo gently pulled it away.

“That too,” Kyungsoo said. “At least in public. I just need to take a break from that part of the job for a while.”

That part of the job? Skinship? It was certainly something they were told to play up for the fans, but Chanyeol didn’t touch Kyungsoo because it was “part of the job.”

Chanyeol rubbed his hand across his face and took a moment to collect his thoughts. Kyungsoo had always run a bit hot and cold with fanservice. Unlike Chanyeol, who didn’t mind playing the pepero game with Sehun, slapping members’ butts on stage, doing aegyo on command, Kyungsoo had always been a bit more reserved. Perhaps this request had no deeper meaning.

“Okay, but why?”

“Does it matter why?” Kyungsoo replied.

“Yes. If I pissed you off in some way, or if I’ve made you uncomfortable, I need to know.”

“I’m just –“ Kyungsoo ran his hands through his hair, a clear sign that he was growing agitated. During their trainee days, Chanyeol had found it adorable. Now, it just amplified his confusion. Why was Kyungsoo acting so cagey?

For too many moments Kyungsoo sat quietly thinking, and Chanyeol struggled not to charge ahead with the conversation. He was brimming with agitated energy. He wanted to shake Kyungsoo and demand that he say exactly what he was feeling. Right now.

But he knew from experience that Kyungsoo would simply retreat into silence and shut down.

So Chanyeol waited, anxious and worried.

An eternity later, Kyungsoo looked up with true turmoil in his eyes. Chanyeol felt the world dissolve away. He didn’t notice when the waitress refilled their waters. There was only Kyungsoo and the fear of what he might say next.

“It isn’t you. It’s me.”

Chanyeol laughed reflexively. No matter what he’d feared, he hadn’t feared absurd clichés.

“I think I’ve heard that before, from a girlfriend or two,” Chanyeol said, ignoring how Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Are you breaking up with me, Kyungsoo-yah?”

“This isn’t a joke.”

Chanyeol’s heart fell into his stomach and his laughter died. “Wait, are you saying you don’t want to be friends?”

“No!” The genuine fear in Kyungsoo’s eyes was the only thing tethering Chanyeol to the earth. “I’m saying everything wrong.” Kyungsoo buried his face in his hands and spoke without looking at Chanyeol. “I’m sorry. I’m saying everything wrong. I just want to be taken seriously. I’m trying to expand my career and I can’t be seen as a joke.”

“As a joke. Like me.”

“No.” Kyungsoo finally pulled his head out of the shelter of his hands and looked into Chanyeol’s eyes. “No. But, you wouldn’t understand, Chanyeol-ah. You aren’t like me.”

“How so?”

“You aren’t …” Kyungsoo waved his hand in Chanyeol’s direction and stumbled on his words. “Cute.”

A part of Chanyeol suspected that “cute” hadn’t been the word Kyungsoo was searching for, which only amplified his confusion. “Uh, thanks?”

Kyungsoo shook his head and continued despite the other’s interjections. “You’re tall and handsome and whenever anyone looks at you, they see a leading man. No matter how cute you act on stage. But I’m fighting an uphill battle and I just want to be seen as a serious actor. A serious person.”

The world tilted back to an upright position and Chanyeol understood. The acting career. Of course. Kyungsoo had just been cast in a major film and his anxiety was palpable. Chanyeol knew that his friend would be great in the role, but there had been a time when even Chanyeol had worried.

Not long ago, he had huddled in front of his computer to watch Kyungsoo in his first major role. What if his sweet, beautiful friend couldn’t play a convincing psychopath? He’d helped the younger man with countless script reads. He knew how hard Kyungsoo had worked, but he was still nervous.

Upon seeing the interrogation scene in _Remember You_ , nerves had melted into pride. Chanyeol never should have worried. That was his best friend, Kyungsoo. The singer. The dancer. And now, the actor. There was nothing he couldn’t do.

Except maybe process and express his emotions quickly.

Chanyeol’s body melted into the chair. 

His friend simply wanted to avoid skinship for a while. That was perfectly understandable. Jongdae had never been overly involved in skinship and given the number of members in Exo, it was fine. Baekhyun, Yixing, Chanyeol, they excelled at it. So no one would notice if Kyungsoo stopped slapping butts and hugging his fellow members. 

“You scared me there for a second, Soo,” Chanyeol said, eating the last of his dessert. “I thought you were breaking up with me.” His voice was jovial and sarcastic, and Kyungsoo responded with a small smile. That was Chanyeol’s third favorite type of Kyungsoo smile. The secret smile.

“I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol shook off the apology and waved to the waitress. He’d never been more ready to leave a restaurant. He felt weirdly exhausted from the conversation, from those few painful moments of thinking that he was losing Kyungsoo.

But he understood now and everything would be fine. He and Kyungsoo would be fine. 

That’s what he told himself and he believed it, right up until their next concert, two weeks later.

 

* * *

 

Chanyeol had a habit of watching Kyungsoo onstage. A habit he wouldn’t own up to if anyone asked, because it wasn’t anyone’s business.

Kyungsoo just looked so good on stage. His lines were so tight when he danced. His voice was so pure when he sang. He was so precise, even when he spoke to the audience. He was the antithesis of Chanyeol, who felt like his limbs were out of control.

So, they were only five songs into their concert when Chanyeol noticed Kyungsoo didn’t push Baekhyun away during _Playboy_. Two songs later, Kyungsoo just smiled and shook his head when Yixing slapped his ass.

And it just kept happening. Kyungsoo didn’t seem to mind when Jongin and Sehun “flirted” with him during . Chanyeol was so distracted (and annoyed) he missed a couple steps and had to force himself to ignore Kyungsoo.

Not that he could. He’d never been capable of ignoring Kyungsoo, not completely. Not since that first day when the sweet-faced, quiet boy had stepped into the dance practice room.

And so, he continued to watch as ever other member kept touching Kyungsoo.

It made Chanyeol’s fingers itch. He wanted to touch Kyungsoo too, but something stopped him at that concert and the next and even the one after that. He simply watched and kept his promise. He stayed away, instead focusing on Sehun and Kai and Baekhyun. He wanted Kyungsoo to come to him, to reach out his hand and let Chanyeol know that everything was back to normal, but Kyungsoo never did. 

Even in private, Kyungsoo kept his distance. He didn’t push Chanyeol away, but he also didn’t hug him back. Eventually, Chanyeol stopped touching him at all, even when they were alone in the dorm, curious to see if Kyungsoo would take the initiative. Instead, Kyungsoo seemed to relax, grateful that Chanyeol had stopped all forms of skinship.

There were days when it was all Chanyeol could focus on: trying to figure out what had changed. Why was his best friend angry with him? Why was Chanyeol different from every other member? Why did _they_ still get to touch Kyungsoo?

Weeks later during a concert in China, Chanyeol finally snapped. Kyungsoo had just wrapped his arm around Jongin’s waist, tilted his head toward Jongin’s shoulder and made a heart sign at the crowd.

The verdict was in. Kyungsoo was _not_ avoiding skinship. He was avoiding Chanyeol, but Chanyeol had to know for sure.

During _Peter Pan_ , amidst the sea of chaos, Chanyeol slapped Kyungsoo’s ass, and felt the instant sting of seeing the younger man’s body tense. Kyungsoo turned toward Chanyeol with true fire in his eyes. He was actually angry, but quicker than lightning he pulled on a mask of playfulness and pushed Chanyeol, just a bit too hard.

Chanyeol clenched his fists and stepped toward Kyungsoo, who held his ground, eyes flashing. A warning. Chanyeol wasn’t a fighter, so he certainly didn’t want to start a fight, especially with the crowd cheering beyond his focus. He just wanted Kyungsoo back. Ever since their trainee days, he’d had a habit of irritating Kyungsoo for the simply joy of feeling the other’s weight pressed against him as they wrestled. He didn’t do it for the fight. He did it for the attention.

Chanyeol didn’t realize that his body was shaking until Sehun draped an arm around his shoulder and dragged him away from Kyungsoo. 

Had Sehunnie seen? Had he noticed that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were hanging on the verge of an actual fight? Probably. Sehun was the most observant member of Exo. Of course, why hadn’t Chanyeol thought of it before? Sehun always knew more than he let on. Maybe he would know why Chanyeol’s best friend had turned against him.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take much persuading to convince Sehun to head out after the concert for some food. Sehun stayed up until dawn anyway, and he was always starving after a concert.

The hard part was eluding the fans, but they managed.

Chanyeol didn’t want to seem obvious, so they spent the first part of the meal chatting about colleagues, about next week’s schedule, about anything except the one thing that dominated Chanyeol’s thoughts.

“Has Kyungsoo asked you to stop touching him?” Chanyeol asked, trying and failing to sound nonchalant.

Sehun tossed some pork into their communal hot pot.

“No. Why?”

Chanyeol considered lying but he was horrible at lying and Sehun deserved better. “Last month he asked me to stop playing around with him on stage. What about Jongin? Do you know if Kyungsoo asked him to stop?”

“I don’t know,” Sehun replied, pursing his lips in thought. “Did hyung tell you why he wanted you to stop?”

“He wants to be taken seriously with his new acting career.”

Sehun furrowed his brows. “That was his reason? Hmm.”

“What do you mean ‘hmm’?”

Sehun smiled and rubbed his hand along the back of his neck, gazing up at Chanyeol with wide eyes. He instantly looked younger and cuter. He’d always insisted that he was horrible at aegyo, but he was wrong. It came naturally to him and he used it often.

“I don’t know. I just think there might be more to it than that.”

“What more?”

“I don’t want to speak for hyung, but I think you should talk to him and see if there is more to it.”

“Sehunnie, if you know something …”

“I know nothing. But you are one of his best friends and maybe you should talk to him about it.”

“I _did_ talk to him, when he told me to stop.”

“Again. Talk to him _again_.”

“Fine,” Chanyeol muttered stabbing his chopsticks into his rice. “If Kyungsoo ever has time for me in his busy schedule.”

Sehun sighed and rested his hand on Chanyeol’s, rubbing his thumb soothingly. “He doesn’t dislike you if that’s what you think. You’ve always been his favorite member and the day he stops liking you, I’ll be the one to buy dinner.”

“So you’re buying _this_ dinner, then?” Chanyeol responded, his tone light despite the fact that, for the first time in six years, he wasn’t sure if Kyungsoo liked him.

“Hyung,” Sehun whined, plastering an adorable smile on his ridiculously adorable face. “You know I don’t have any money on me.”

The corner of Chanyeol’s mouth tilted up, but his heart still hurt.

“I have something funny to show you,” Sehun said, pulling out his phone and scrolling through his videos. In the end, he had a lot of things to show Chanyeol, because he kept moving from one video to the next until Chanyeol was finally laughing.

 

* * *

 

After dinner Chanyeol lay in bed for hours thinking, searching for the words that might start a conversation with his best friend. Unfortunately, Kyungsoo had just started filming his movie. He showed up to concerts, performed and then immediately went to sleep. On car rides. In green rooms. In the dorms. If he wasn’t working, he was sleeping. Or he wasn’t around at all.

Awkwardness was like a weed. It grew without tending and took over until nothing else remained. As the days grew into weeks, awkwardness choked every moment Chanyeol had with Kyungsoo. Even on the rare occasions when they talked, Chanyeol could feel the weight between them. He was losing his best friend, but not to some epic battle. He was losing him slowly but into that horrible word “acquaintance.” An acquaintance who Chanyeol loved with all of his heart.

It hurt more for its slow death. Watching Kyungsoo fade away as he spent more time with his new actor friends. Listening to him turn down every one of Chanyeol’s invitations to dinner because he was “too busy.” The excuses grew thinner, until Chanyeol realized that Kyungsoo just didn’t want to hang out with him. So, Chanyeol stopped asking.

But sometimes Chanyeol’s hope would flicker before it died, and that was the worst part.

Sometimes he would catch Kyungsoo watching him during interviews or performances. He would see longing in those big beautiful eyes, and he would let himself hope that today Kyungsoo might reach out to him. But Kyungsoo never did, and even those moments eventually melted away into nothing.

With each day the distance grew until even Chanyeol, the one member who could always find a way through every problem, had no idea how to get Kyungsoo back. He had no idea how to start a conversation he should have started months ago.

So, he did the only thing he could. He looked to the future and tried to let Kyungsoo go. Most days, he failed miserably.

 

* * *

 

Muffled electronic music was coming from Chanyeol’s room. Despite the chasm that had cut through their friendship during the past four months, Kyungsoo decided to knock on the door.

“Yeah?” Chanyeol’s deep voice called out. He didn’t turn to welcome Kyungsoo, too focused on his computer and a song he was writing. Kyungsoo pulled up a chair and sat beside him, fully aware of the surprise on Chanyeol’s face when he saw who it was.

It had been weeks since they had been in the same room. Most days Kyungsoo blamed their busy schedules, intersecting but never merging. But that was a lie. 

Had this been any other day, Kyungsoo would have stood outside Chanyeol’s door, his hand poised to knock, teetering between two decisions. After too much hesitation, he would have turned down the hall and gone to bed. It had happened more times than he wanted to admit.

But tonight, he’d just come from the editing room, from watching a few finished scenes from his upcoming movie. Every shot had looked lovely. It had filled him with daring.

So he found himself sitting next to Chanyeol at midnight despite the fact that things had been decidedly uncomfortable between them for months.

Chanyeol gave him a cautious smile and turned back to his computer and the song he was composing.

“I like this one,” Kyungsoo said. Chanyeol’s smile grew but it was guarded.

“It still feels hollow. It needs more depth.” Chanyeol was always too critical of himself.

Kyungsoo listened for a while, thinking. “Go back to the bridge.” Chanyeol complied and they listened. “I think a guitar would sound better here than the piano. Like maybe …” He sang out a background melody, trying to harmonize with the notes Chanyeol had already written.

Chanyeol studied him, face brightening. “Wait. Wait.” He bounced up and grabbed his guitar, sitting back down and crossing his lengths. “Sing that again.”

Kyungsoo did and Chanyeol found the notes on his guitar. After a few run-throughs he gazed up at Kyungsoo and smiled. A real smile. It made Kyungsoo’s stomach flip.

“I like it. Thanks.” Chanyeol kept strumming his guitar until his fingers found the chords to _Boyfriend._ Without realizing it, Kyungsoo began humming the melody until finally they reached the chorus and he sang the words while Chanyeol played.

It was the perfect end to a perfect day. It was like old times and Kyungsoo let himself drown in the nostalgia.

“I missed this,” Chanyeol murmured after the song’s end. His voice was laced with too much hurt to be ignored. Kyungsoo gazed back, wide-eyed, unsure of how to respond. “I miss you.”

Kyungsoo noticed the change to present tense. “I know. Me too.”

Chanyeol sighed and carefully set his guitar on the ground. It was the stillness before the explosion. Kyungsoo could feel the words coming before they ever left Chanyeol’s mouth.

“I don’t know what I did or why you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not—“

“But can you please just tell me,” Chanyeol continued. “Because these past few months have been horrible.”

“You didn’t do anything. It’s me.”

Chanyeol laughed humorlessly and rolled his eyes. “So you’re still going with the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bullshit?”

“That’s not what I’m … I don’t …” Kyungsoo ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He’d been avoiding this conversation, but why? Embarrassment? He’d known Chanyeol too long to be embarrassed. Worried about ruining their friendship? He’d already managed to do that. Fear that Chanyeol wouldn’t accept him? That fear was very real.

“Please just tell me what I did wrong.” Chanyeol reached out and placed his hand on Kyungsoo’s knee without thinking. They’d always been physical, which had been the start of this entire problem.

There was no way out of this conversation except the truth. Or a close approximation of the truth with some key omissions.

“I realize now I was being selfish that night when I asked you to stop being physical. I was trying to save our friendship. Ironically, it hurt our friendship,” Kyungsoo mumbled like an afterthought. “But I swear I was trying to save it.”

“Save it? From what?”

“From me.” If Kyungsoo stopped for even a second to consider his words, he knew he’d chicken out. So, he refused to stop. Chanyeol deserved better from him. Chanyeol had always tried to understand him, despite their differences.

Chanyeol shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows. He pulled his hand from Kyungsoo’s knee and sat back. “I’m sorry if I’m supposed to understand, because I don’t.”

How did the old proverb go? Starting is half the task?

“Remember that girl I dated when we were trainees?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Hyejin?”

“She was wonderful, right?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol answered genuinely.

“Cute, sweet, smart. She was perfect, actually. I’ve tried to like a lot of girls, but Hyejin was the one who made me realize. Because if I couldn’t like _her_ , then I’d probably never like any girl.”

Chanyeol’s eyes were wide and uncertain. Kyungsoo couldn’t read his expression so he looked into his own lap as he continued.

“But there have always been guys that I liked, even when I tried hard not to like them. I guess I appreciated the ‘no dating’ clause in our contracts, because I didn’t have to explain to myself why I didn’t have a girlfriend. But eventually even that wasn’t enough, and I just had to accept it… that I like … guys.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Ryeowook-hyung,” Kyungsoo whispered. “But nobody else. Certainly not my parents.”

“Kyungsoo-yah.” Chanyeol’s voice was so soft and kind. For the first time in this conversation, Kyungsoo relaxed slightly and stopped preparing for the worst. “Thank you for telling me. For trusting me enough to tell me.”

Relief filled Kyungsoo and he was finally able to meet Chanyeol’s eyes. His friend was smiling slightly and his eyes were bright. No hatred or disgust.

“Can I ask something?” Chanyeol said. “You don’t have to answer.”

Kyungsoo gestured for his friend to proceed. He felt oddly exhausted, just as he had when he told Ryeowook-hyung that he preferred men. Would it always be this hard to tell people or would it get easier with practice?

“Why did you ask me to stop paying attention to you?”

And there it was. The question that Kyungsoo had prayed Chanyeol wouldn’t ask. A question he could never answer with the complete truth. He needed to give an explanation that _felt_ complete, enough to prevent Chanyeol from asking more questions.

“It was only in the past year that I started to accept this about myself and, I don’t know, it just made all of the fanservice uncomfortable for me. If I liked girls, I’d be fine because it wouldn’t mean anything. But imagine if SM made you hug and touch girls onstage. It would be weird, right?”

Instead of answering, Chanyeol cut straight through Kyungsoo’s bullshit. “But you only stopped touching me.”

Kyungsoo panicked. “No, I—“

“Yes,” Chanyeol replied, insistent. He seemed unwilling to let Kyungsoo wriggle his way out of the truth. “I thought you hated me.”

“You’re my best friend.” Kyungsoo hoped that would be enough.

“But what did I do that made you so uncomfortable? I need to know, so I won’t accidentally do it again.”

“You didn’t do anything.” It was true. No matter how many times Kyungsoo had tried to find a deeper meaning behind Chanyeol’s touches, in the end he knew why Chanyeol did it: because he was a physical person. There was nothing deeper for Chanyeol, even though every touch went straight to Kyungsoo’s heart.

Chanyeol sighed. “Kyungsoo.” His disbelief was palpable.

Kyungsoo shook his head and buried his face in his hands. He desperately needed to flee. He would have, except he was sure that Chanyeol would chase after him.

“Why was it different with me?” Chanyeol asked.

 _Why was Chanyeol different?_ It was a question that had plagued Kyungsoo for years, because Chanyeol was different. 

At first, he had been amazed that someone as beautiful as Chanyeol wanted to pay so much attention to him. Kyungsoo had immediately been enamored with him. Quickly the friendship grew deep enough that they started to wrestle, and every time Kyungsoo told himself it was the last. He liked wrestling with Chanyeol for reasons that terrified him.

Then they’d miraculously debuted in the same group. Kyungsoo’s prayers had been answered. He got to work with his best friend, sit next to him at awards shows, play around with him on stage. For years, that had been enough. The private smiles and the feel of Chanyeol’s hand in his hand. But eventually, he realized that he was setting himself up for heartbreak.

Chanyeol loved him, he had no doubt of that. But Chanyeol was also straight. He could never give Kyungsoo what he wanted.

In an instant these thoughts flashed through Kyungsoo’s mind, but he couldn’t say them to Chanyeol. He couldn’t burden his best friend with these feelings. They were Kyungsoo’s problem and he would defeat them.

But he needed to say something. 

“It was something that developed recently, but I promise I’m over it, Chanyeol.”

“Over what?” Chanyeol’s eyes widened, with fear or hope, Kyungsoo couldn’t tell.

“Just because I like guys doesn’t mean I like _every_ guy. In fact, most of them do nothing for me. So, when Baekhyun puts his arm around me during _Playboy_ , it doesn’t matter.”

Chanyeol smirked. “I’ll be sure tell Baekhyun that. That you think he doesn't matter. He’ll love that.”

Kyungsoo was grateful for the joke, no matter how tiny it was, because the tension eased slightly. He could get through this conversation. He just needed to do the one thing he hated to do: lie.

“It was nothing, but I’d just come off of a massive crush on another guy, and maybe I was rebounding, because you are _not_ my type. I swear.”

Kyungsoo wondered if Chanyeol knew him well enough to see through the lie. Chanyeol was exactly his type. In fact, Kyungsoo’s type had been built on the foundation of Chanyeol.

He tried to ignore the frown on Chanyeol’s face and kept charging ahead, blindly navigating the lie in the moment. “It was just a tiny little crush, but because you are my friend and I have to work with you, I needed to destroy that crush immediately. And I did. I promise.”

“You _had_ a crush on me?” Chanyeol spoke each word slowly, deliberately, in a way that Kyungsoo couldn’t read. 

“For like a week. A day. Honestly, I think it was just a rebound crush. It wasn’t real. And everything is back to normal now, but at the time, it was confusing to be physical with you on stage.”

“Rebound crush?” His tone was unfathomable.

“Yeah, there was this other guy,” Kyungsoo’s voice sounded too high in his head. Did he always sound so high-pitched when he lied? He tried to lower his voice and said, “Someone I met on set.” But then his voice sounded too deep. By the confused look on Chanyeol’s face, he could hear it too.

Shit. Chanyeol knew he was lying. Shit. Shit.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath, and imagined he was on set. Acting. Not lying. _Acting._

“I met a guy on set.” Kyungsoo was relieved when his voice came out even. “He was older and it never would have worked out. And right after that, we started preparing for a comeback and I think I just projected those feelings onto you.”

“So, you don’t have a crush on me?”

Why the fuck did Chanyeol keep saying the word “crush”? Why was he fixating on that?

“You’re one of my best friends,” Kyungsoo said, leaning forward in his chair. “And I’m sorry, because I fucked everything up. I hope that someday you can just forget about this and we can be okay again.” 

“Who was the guy? The one you had a crush on?”

Kyungsoo wanted to scream. Why couldn’t Chanyeol let this go? He pursed his lips and stuttered, “I can’t. I can’t tell you that.” Because the guy wasn’t real.

Chanyeol shook off the answer, clearly annoyed and said, “And before this _rebound_ crush, you’d never had a crush on me? Not ever?”

There it was, the question that could destroy their friendship forever.

Kyungsoo centered his mind, looked Chanyeol straight in the eyes and said, “No.”

He was proud of how honest he sounded. The acting classes were paying off.

Chanyeol pursed his lips, his mouth forming a hard line as he studied Kyungsoo. His expression was inscrutable. He was searching for something in Kyungsoo’s eyes, but what? Kyungsoo tried to keep his expression blank.

Ten, fifteen seconds later, Chanyeol’s gaze fell to the floor and he nodded in understanding. 

The silence was awkward. Would it always be awkward? 

Instantly, Kyungsoo regretted telling Chanyeol about his crush, even the bastardized version of it. Maybe he should have lied completely. He should have claimed that he had asked the other members to stop touching him, but that they’d forgotten and he’d simply let it go. He should have claimed that he’d just been in a bad mood the day he asked Chanyeol to stop playing around with him.

There were so many other lies he could have said? Why had he owned up to having a crush on Chanyeol at all? He’d made everything worse.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo murmured.

“Don’t be sorry. You can’t help how you feel.”

The comment made no sense, but Kyungsoo shook it off and continued, “I understand if everything I’ve told you makes it weird for a while, or if you need some time to think.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes and shook his head. Park Chanyeol at a loss for words. It was an historic event, but Kyungsoo could find no joy in it. 

“I’ve been a horrible friend, but I swear, I’ll make it up to you,” Kyungsoo said.

“There’s nothing to make up.”

They’d reached an impasse. Chanyeol had gotten surprisingly taciturn and he was obviously uncomfortable. He probably just needed time. Kyungsoo had unloaded so much onto him tonight, his sexuality, his crush. Chanyeol just needed time to process everything, but eventually they’d be okay again. Kyungsoo would make sure of it.

“Maybe I should go to bed,” Kyungsoo murmured, after another uncomfortable moment of silence. Chanyeol nodded and walked with him to the door. He was fidgeting and looking at anything except Kyungsoo. It shattered something inside Kyungsoo’s heart, seeing the discomfort he’d caused his friend.

“Will we be okay?” he asked, turning around to face Chanyeol, one foot already in the hallway.

Chanyeol’s smile was slightly sad, but he replied, “Of course. Always.” And Kyungsoo tried to believe him.

He took a step back and Chanyeol reached for him, like a reflex, stopping himself at the last minute. His hand hung awkwardly in the space between them before he pulled it back. Tension filled the room and Chanyeol simply stared at him, slightly out of breath. It reminded Kyungsoo of the first time he’d kiss Hyejin. She’d stood slightly too close and he’d somehow known that she wanted to be kissed.

Despite knowing Chanyeol infinitely better, he had no idea what the other man wanted right now, his deep brown eyes confused and hurt.

Kyungsoo drew in a breath and patted Chanyeol’s arm. He kept it painfully platonic. He was trying to break the tension and show Chanyeol that they could still be friends. That Kyungsoo’s sexuality didn’t have to get in the way of skinship. That he was sorry and he would make everything better eventually. He tried to press all of these thoughts into the gesture, letting his hand linger on Chanyeol’s forearm for a second before pulling away.

He was sure that their previous dynamic would change. It had to. No more wrestling matches. No more playful butt slapping on stage. But hopefully one day they would be able to sit shoulder-to-shoulder hunched over Chanyeol’s phone. Hopefully Chanyeol would still feel comfortable giving him an occasional back hug.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at practice,” Kyungsoo said and walked down the hall toward his bedroom. 

 

* * *

 

There was no way Kyungsoo could sleep after that conversation. His mind kept going over Chanyeol’s awkwardness. He couldn’t make sense of it. But he had to make sense of it if he was going to repair their friendship.

He was still awake when Chanyeol quietly opened the door to his bedroom a couple of hours before sunrise. The emotions were too fresh and he couldn’t endure more talking. So, he closed his eyes and stilled his body as the crack of light hit him, listening as Chanyeol hesitated at the door. Kyungsoo began to tremble under the weight of that gaze, unsure if he wanted Chanyeol to leave or stay.

He left the choice to Chanyeol and continued to act like he was asleep.

Chanyeol crept in, quietly closing and locking the door behind him. In the darkness, Kyungsoo could open his eyes, but he couldn’t turn his head to follow the tall figure as he crept around the bed and slid under the covers next to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo’s heart was beating too fast. It thundered in his ears. But he remained still. He was suddenly unsure if he had fallen asleep and he was dreaming, because what was Chanyeol doing in his bed?

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol whispered. This was the moment. Kyungsoo could respond and face this situation or he could be a coward.

He chose to be a coward.

Chanyeol sighed and whispered louder, “Kyungsoo-yah.”

When he still received no response Chanyeol closed the space between them, putting his left arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and spooning him from behind. Surprised by the warmth of Chanyeol’s body, Kyungsoo tensed.

“I know you’re awake,” Chanyeol whispered. “And I needed to ask something.”

“Hmm?” Kyungsoo murmured, unable to speak around the lump in his throat.

“Are you actually over your crush on me?”

Lying in the darkness with his back pressed against Chanyeol’s chest, there was no right way to respond. The truth was not an option and Kyungsoo had already lied so much today. He didn’t have the willpower to lie anymore. 

So, he said nothing and hoped that Chanyeol would stay, his chest nestled against Kyungsoo’s back. He also hoped that Chanyeol would leave and never touch him like this again.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol whispered again, low and deep. His voice sent a jolt through Kyungsoo’s spine and he shivered when he felt Chanyeol’s lips brush lightly along the back of his neck. Not a kiss, but a question.

_Do you want this?_

Kyungsoo’s skin was warm under Chanyeol’s breath. A part of him wondered if this was a joke to Chanyeol, if he would suddenly start laughing and then punch Kyungsoo in the arm. But why would he joke about _this_? Chanyeol was not so callous as to make fun of Kyungsoo’s sexuality or his crush. It had to be real.

But how? Why would Chanyeol want him?

If Kyungsoo turned his body toward Chanyeol in this moment, he could never turn back. They could never be just friends again, even if they failed to be more than friends. This could be the moment that destroyed them.

But there was only one possible choice when Chanyeol’s left hand skirted across the bare skin of Kyungsoo’s stomach. There was only one choice when Chanyeol’s lips brushed Kyungsoo’s neck again.

Kyungsoo pushed the sheets off of them and rolled onto Chanyeol, legs straddling the taller man’s thighs. In the darkness he couldn’t see Chanyeol’s face, couldn’t read his expression, but Chanyeol hummed softly and the choice was made.

This was real. Chanyeol was here, wanting the same thing he wanted. 

Miraculously, despite the darkness, their lips found each other, eliciting a moan from Chanyeol. A sound more beautiful than any Kyungsoo had ever heard. He wanted to see how many other noises he could draw from Chanyeol’s mouth. How loud could Chanyeol be? How easy would it be to make him beg? Or would Chanyeol resist, stubborn and pouty?

Chanyeol pressed his hips upward and groaned, rubbing his hardening cock against Kyungsoo’s. That was answer enough. Kyungsoo would make him beg, but not tonight. 

Tonight, Kyungsoo wanted to explore every inch of Chanyeol’s body. He needed to learn exactly where to touch Chanyeol to drive him crazy. He deepened the kiss and Chanyeol answered every movement. Hands fisting Kyungsoo’s hair, he kissed back with equal fervor, meeting Kyungsoo perfectly, biting Kyungsoo’s lip when he needed to catch his breath.

“I want to see you,” Chanyeol whispered, slightly breathless. Kyungsoo leaned over and turned on his bedside lamp, squinting down at Chanyeol, whose lips were full and flushed. Fuck, he was gorgeous and for some reason he was here.

“How did you know I was lying? About no longer having a crush on you?”

“I didn’t,” Chanyeol replied. “But I also wasn’t sure if you were telling the truth, and I got sick of sitting in bed thinking about it.”

“But you like girls,” Kyungsoo said and Chanyeol tilted his head in annoyance. 

“Can we not talk about girls right now? Take off your shirt. I want to see you.”

Kyungsoo stripped off his shirt because there was no way he could resist that raspy-voiced request. Chanyeol’s gaze roamed over the freshly exposed skin with obvious hunger. It was temporarily distracting, seeing the very real heat in Chanyeol’s eyes.

But still, Kyungsoo couldn’t shake the thought of Chanyeol and girls. Chanyeol was straight. Not only had he dated women, he’d had sex with them.

“You like girls,” Kyungsoo repeated, still sitting on Chanyeol’s hard cock, gazing down at him.

Chanyeol sighed. “Yes. That’s true, but I also like you.”

The reply made Kyungsoo’s heart speed up, even as he cursed Chanyeol for the admission.

Kyungsoo was looking for a reason to stop, any reason. They couldn’t do this. The frantic high of their first kiss was wearing off and reality was setting in.

If SM found out …

If the fans found out …

“But,” Kyungsoo stuttered as he tried to formulate all of the reasons they should stop touching each other. There were so many reasons to stop. 

“I’m here,” Chanyeol said. “Can that be enough for now?”

When Kyungsoo didn’t reply or move, Chanyeol sat up and took off his shirt, throwing it onto the floor. He was no longer a skinny teenager. Despite the length of his arms, his muscles had filled out. Kyungsoo stared, drinking in the lines that defined his stomach.

“Kyungsoo-yah.” Chanyeol had called him that thousands of times, but never had it caused so much blood to rush to his groin.

Kyungsoo groaned and gave in. He’d worry about SM and the rest of the world later.

He laced his fingers through Chanyeol’s soft hair and pulled his head back to expose his neck, kissing his way up to Chanyeol’s earlobe. Kyungsoo had long wondered if those ears were sensitive. Now he knew. Chanyeol bucked against him and made delicious noises, somewhere between panting and whimpering.

It drove Kyungsoo crazy. Without thinking, he reached his hand inside Chanyeol’s boxers and grasped his dick. Chanyeol temporarily stopped breathing, his hands gripping Kyungsoo’s waist as he closed his eyes and let his head fall onto the pillow.

Too many times Kyungsoo had thought of Chanyeol while he jerked himself off, wondering how the other man’s dick felt, thinking that he would never get to know. The reality was so much better than the fantasy. He wanted to taste Chanyeol, feel the weight of his cock against his tongue, but he’d never given anyone a blowjob before. 

And this was Chanyeol, his best friend. They needed to take this slow.

“Yes, baby, just like that,” Chanyeol gasped, eyes still closed, mouth slightly open as Kyungsoo continued to stroke his cock. He was gorgeous.

Kyungsoo’s only focus was Chanyeol and the need to make him come. To make him say _baby_ again in that husky voice.

“You like that?” Kyungsoo asked. When Chanyeol simply moaned in response, Kyungsoo tightened his grip and leaned down to suckle at Chanyeol’s ear.

“Tell me what you want, Chanyeol-ah,” he whispered, voice demanding. Kyungsoo had no idea what had gotten into him, but Chanyeol had a way of bringing out his possessive side.

“You,” Chanyeol replied, in between gasps. “I want you.”

Kyungsoo sat up and pulled his own cock free from his boxers palming it with his other hand. Through heavy-lidded eyes, Chanyeol watched him.

“You’re beautiful.” Chanyeol said it like a revelation and Kyungsoo groaned. 

Gently, Chanyeol pushed Kyungsoo’s hand away and wrapped his own large hand around Kyungsoo’s cock. His skin was warm and soft. It was as if Chanyeol’s hand had always belonged there. He knew just the right pressure, just the right speed to drive Kyungsoo to the brink.

For a moment, Kyungsoo forgot entirely about Chanyeol’s dick, his hands falling to his sides as Chanyeol jerked him off. 

He heard Chanyeol speaking but hardly registered the words. “Do you like that, Kyungsoo-yah?”

The orgasm hit unexpectedly and he rode it out, wave upon wave. Coming down from the high, he saw Chanyeol smirking underneath him, his hand covered in come.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo said and Chanyeol laughed lightly.

Kyungsoo pulled a few tissues from the box beside his bed and wiped off Chanyeol’s hand and stomach. He felt oddly smug, knowing that he’d temporarily painted Chanyeol’s skin with his come. The idea that tomorrow, Chanyeol would shower and venture out into the world without anyone knowing, felt like a delicious secret. Like there was a piece of Chanyeol that belonged only to Kyungsoo. 

He slid off of Chanyeol’s lap and guided him toward the headboard, so he was sitting against it. He took his time, no longer frantic with his own need to come.

“Kyungsoo, please touch me.”

Kyungsoo ignored his requests and once again straddled Chanyeol’s thighs. He rubbed his knuckles along Chanyeol’s cheek and lips, pleased when Chanyeol sighed and welcomed Kyungsoo’s fingers into his mouth. The sight of Chanyeol’s cheeks hollowing as he sucked on Kyungsoo’s index finger would have made Kyungsoo come, if he hadn’t already. Chanyeol was a perfect mixture of innocence and debauchery, wide eyes gazing up at Kyungsoo, tongue swirling around the finger in his mouth.

Chanyeol had a mouth made for blowjobs. Kyungsoo couldn’t wait to see what it felt like, but not tonight. Right now, he just wanted to get Chanyeol off.

Kyungsoo pulled his fingers free with an obscene pop and Chanyeol whimpered. Fucking whimpered like he needed more. Like he could suck on Kyungsoo’s fingers all night.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo whispered, his vocabulary disappearing.

He kissed Chanyeol lazily, swallowing his moans as he finally began to stroke Chanyeol’s cock again. He didn’t go too fast, even when Chanyeol pumped his hips and tried to force Kyungsoo to increase his speed. He drove Chanyeol to the edge, intrigued by the way Chanyeol’s deep moans turned breathy. The way his body began to shake. Kyungsoo pulled back to study his face, enthralled. 

“Yes. Oh god, yes,” Chanyeol said, his eyes closing tightly. Kyungsoo stroked faster, sitting back and positioning himself so he could cup Chanyeol’s balls.

The taller man jerked and his hand gripped Kyungsoo’s hip hard. Kyungsoo kept going, refusing to blink for fear that he might miss some beautiful detail of Chanyeol’s constantly changing expression.

“Kyung—, fuck.” Chanyeol’s body tensed and he stopped breathing. He looked more delicious than Kyungsoo had thought possible, lost in the bliss of release.

Afterward, he smiled and hummed. His eyes were still closed as his hand slid up Kyungsoo’s chest.

“Wow.” He said and smiled again. “When I woke up this morning, I never could have imagined the day would end like this.”

Kyungsoo returned the smile, and for the second time he cleaned the come from Chanyeol’s body. 

When he was finished, Chanyeol pulled him onto the bed. Their bodies fit together perfectly, Kyungsoo’s cheek resting on Chanyeol’s chest. 

“Who was that other guy you liked? The one you met on set?” Chanyeol asked, his tone purposefully light.

Kyungsoo chuckled. “He was a lie.”

“Good.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t stop smiling. Later he wanted to ask Chanyeol all of the questions spinning through his brain. How long had Chanyeol liked him? When had he first known? Why had he never said anything? What was the first thing he liked about Kyungsoo?

But it was late and he was exhausted.

He breathed in Chanyeol’s scent, sweat and cologne, and asked the only question he cared about in the moment.

“What happens tomorrow? Or later today, I guess, since it’s three in the morning.” 

“Well,” Chanyeol replied, “first we have to wake up in five hours, shower and meet with manager-hyung about the upcoming shows in Tokyo. Then we have choreo practice for two hours. Then I need to go to an interview. After that—“

Kyungsoo jabbed Chanyeol in the ribs. “I meant what happens with us?”

“Calm down. I was getting to that. My interview ends at two, after which you and I will grab some takoyaki. Then, I’ll make you come three times before your meeting with the casting agent at five o'clock.”

“Three times?”

“I’ll settle for two.”

Kyungsoo planted a light kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek. “You’re always so fucking arrogant.” 

“It’s not arrogance when it’s the truth,” Chanyeol replied and pulled Kyungsoo on top of him, capturing his mouth with a kiss.


End file.
